White Page Syndrom

OMG.

Blank page.

Nothing to say.

I am in mild panic mode.

I need my dopamine fix.

My face is red. I’ve had too many Aperol spritzes. The cat is asleep on my legs. My lower body has officially gone numb.

And I’ve got… nothing.

You all know the greatest hits by now:

Former workaholic.

Certified lash technician.

Self-declared saint.

Margarita counter.

What is left to reveal? My grocery list?

This is hard.

Writing is liberating yes. But it’s also exposure therapy with punctuation.

When you pour your heart out it feels amazing. Like a clean emotional high. And yes — I see the pattern.

My family still thinks I need professional help.

For the record: I am the happiest I’ve been in years.

Because it resonates. Because people read it. Because I’m no longer pretending.

Still sipping my cocktail I wonder — how did I not start this earlier?

Maybe I had to hit rock bottom.

Maybe I needed silence before voice.

Oh and here’s something new.

I started volunteering at a home care facility for people with terminal diagnoses.

Yes. I know.

Could I have chosen something lighter? Apparently not. I am magnetically attracted to humanity. Don’t worry — I’m at reception. I

f I had to sit with patients all day right now I’d be an emotional puddle in orthopedic shoes.

And here’s the real confession:

I am addicted to human connection. Stories. Depth. Emotion. Meaning.

So why does sitting with someone facing the end scare me?

Because I’m afraid I’ll cry.

Afraid of my own mortality.

Afraid of saying the wrong thing.

Afraid of not being strong enough.

There it is again.

Performance.

I thought I retired you.

I have all the time in the world — time they wish they had.

So why can’t I simply sit and be present?

Why does it feel like I have to “do it well”?

Maybe crying wouldn’t be weakness.

Maybe it would just be human.

Maybe the difference I make in someone’s day isn’t about composure.

Maybe it’s about showing up.

And maybe vulnerability isn’t something to master.

Maybe it’s something to allow.